An Open Letter to Shahid Afridi

Hello Mr. Afridi,

Your recent comments corroborating an insane claim regarding Sachin Tendulkar confirms your desperation to bring attention on to yourself. I am also intrigued by the fact that even after knowing the fact that every time you open your mouth (be it in front of the media or in the presentation ceremony), you leave no stone unturned to make a mockery of yourself, still you go on raising up that bar of shamelessness time and again….In fact with your latest antics, you have left me puzzled as to who between the two of you, (Yes You dumbfuck) and Shoaib Akhtar, is the more shameless one or is it like both of you sat together and decided that “lets explore new avenues of self-mockery now that our cricket seems to have seen its end”….Oh I’m so sorry you guys can’t converse in such chaste English…my bad.

Seems like both of you have taken a bet on who is dumber of the two of you. My sympathies are with Shoaib Akhtar and please convey it to him the next time you meet him for to me he is a retard on whom Allah hasn’t bestowed upon  a brain to think…and it’s a fact he himself has proven to the whole world on many occasions..so I refrain from commenting on it and will go by the lines of Shoaib Malik…that “When his own family does not take him seriously, why should others”

Coming back to you…yes you never seemed to be the bad-mouthed moron until now when you chose to go down the Akhtar way.

   Well, I have vowed to myself not to talk to you presenting statistics and that is primarily for 2 reasons:

1.                Your immature, uneducated brain will find it too hard to understand it

2.               You won’t even get a rat’s ass to hide your face if I do a comparision between your’s and Sachin’s statistics

So I prescribe go and talk to Abdul Qadir…I have heard in your initial days you tried to model yourself upon him….Go ask him about the stature of Tendulkar….he would tell you how after a provocation that he had once made to Tendulkar…he got hammered all round the park….28 runs in an over….that being Sachin’s debut series. Go ask Wasim Akram what had he uttered when Abdul Razzaq dropped Tendulkar during the 2003 World Cup match….he had said,”Bh*****d tujhe pata bhi hai tune kiska catch choda hai”……such is his stature. In our country he is worshipped no less than a God and why only our country…the world around, I shall lay down a couple of instances of what people have had to say about him you pugnacious-nonsensical-shithole:

Mathew Hayden (during his tour to India in 1998),”I have seen God, he bats for India at number 4 in Tests”

Hashim Amla (who supposedly has a fear of flights and once after a flight in which both the Indian & South African team were travelling together, he was asked by a journalist as to how was he feeling, he replied),”I felt alright. After all we had the God travelling with us”

I know these things are difficult for you to understand for in the culture that you have been brought up, bitching and fighting with others is the order of the day. It seems that the only picture you have in your bedroom is that of Tendulkar….I suggest you remove it..for its maligning the sanctity of the picture to be there in the home of a beard-scratching-psycho like you.

To remind you of your own antics…you have taken 2 temporary retirements from cricket…..now what under the sun is this temporary retirement will you please explain….you rat-fucking-bastard....The state of affairs of cricket in your nation makes it seem to be like some kind of a reality show. Trust me even our Rakhi Sawant is more consistent in her opinions than the decisions of your cricket board. You seem to be possessing a very weak memory….It seems you have forgotten how after a comment of yours about the fragile physique of Irfan Pathan saying it was unlike that of a real Pathan…he kept rattling your stumps whenever you came to bat….you forgot how Gautam Gambhir,once, gave you a piece of his mind in a completely Dilli-Style post which you never ever dared him…You forgot how Sehwag has made your whole team look like a bunch of jokers on the field..every time we play a test match or On every world cup when both our teams have played against each other, how Tendulkar has clinically overwhelmed your whole nation.

What have you done for your country or for the game of cricket….except may be giving that statue-of-liberty kind of pose (hands making a V and legs making an inverted V) whenever you take a catch or a wicket…Even on that front we have surpassed you…I suggest you take lessons from Virat Kohli-the official swearer of our team…and he will teach you the latest swears he has caught up on the roads of Delhi…and show you how to use them whenever you take a catch…believe me he looks much more macho and stylish than you do.

So next time, even in your wildest imaginations, do not consider giving your fart-like opinions about legends like Tendulkar and Dravid even if it is to generate publicity of a retard like Akhtar…for that will earn you the wrath of your own countrymen (let alone others) and will stamp your forehead with a             

 “I am a brainless piece of shit” placard.

And next time please take lessons from Rameez Raja on how to speak English and pronounce it well…or better not try talking in English at all…else the next time you travel to England…some English loving soul will kill you alleging that you, with your English speaking attempts, were conspiring to come up with a Baluchistani dialect of English.

Yours Truly

An avid cricket lover 

Memories of a night

The sun had gone down giving twilight its way…the birds were flying back post a tire-some day. I was returning home after an overdose of play, tired and tottered in my own thoughts, I chose to take the shorter and more obscure route to home this time.

Trudging down the railway tracks filled me with a weird sense of joy and after all trains and its entire paraphernalia form a part of a child’s memories atleast back here in India. But there was one thing that I have always hated in life…so much so that till date I have never come to terms with it….An eerie silence and an unnatural loneliness.

Nevertheless, the thought that the station lay ahead, made me take the road less travelled.

On my way I saw a dog walking on the tracks along side me…Not minding it at all and considering it as a company I chose to walk with even more aplomb…..and suddenly the signal on the post ahead changed….this re-arranged the railway tracks and the dog’s leg got stuck between the two. To our (mine and the dog’s) dismay the change in the signal was for a train to pass and within no time both of us saw a train approaching us with full vigour. The dog was helplessly pushing itself trying to get its feet out and when it failed consistently, it submitted itself to me. Now the creature was helplessly looking at me and something in the nature told the dog that I was the bigger and the smarter creature around and so I could save it. I tried everything under me to help him take his feet out…even shouted for help but nothing would change the fate that had already been written for the dog…The train came closer and closer and the dog was looking at me for mercy….I tried the last time to no result and then had to move back to save myself…..The train blew the thing away into pieces!!!!!

The train had passed but the sound of the horn still reverberated in my ears and the smoke was still visible even from a considerable distance.

I did not have the guts to look back and was startled in fact bemused and stunned at the way the things unfolded before me….Although it was a dog but had been my companion even for a couple of minutes and after all I had seen a death….and the fact that hit me even more harder was how we human beings become a victim to our own desires and how at times we are as helpless as other creatures around.

I mustered some courage and held my posture back and started walking…this time faster to reach the station so as to counter the thoughts with people around. But I could hear faint footsteps walking alongside me. I dare not look anywhere but straight and walked even faster…..The sound of the footsteps became even stronger and I had no choice but to look towards my right……It was the same dog who had been walking along side me……

I was surprised to see the dog again especially after having seen it being brittled into pieces in front of my own eyes.

In all this confusion I never realized that I had myself been walking on the tracks this time and when I did realize, the signal on the post had already changed to make way for another passing-by train, thereby re-arranging the tracks and locking my feet this time.

The train was nearing me with all its speed and I was doing everything under the sun to pull the feet out….The dog was looking at me and I was numb now….knowing that death was certain…I didn’t know what to do….The train was within a few metres now….and the dog moved back…..I closed my eyes….and it was complete darkness thereof……The last thing I could remember was how the train thrust itself upon me.

I opened my eyes and it was still dark…..I wanted to know whether it was hell or heaven……None: was the realization. I was still in my own world….on my own bed.

Never realized why this weird dream happened to me…..first the dog undergoing a sequence of events only to realize that I too will undergo the events in the same fashion…may be to highlight the value of life and the way we spend it.

Nevertheless it was a chilly winter night and I preferred to think less and continue my tryst with my sleep.

P.S: The above mentioned account bears resemblance to a piece that I had read somewhere and happened to me a few days back in my dream….So today while deciding what to blog on, I took this as a matter. Writing everything according to what I had read somewhere loooong back (forgotten where) and it was in my subconscious mind and so re-appeared as a night-mare a couple of days back.

Life and Times of a Management Trainee in Sales & Marketing

Hello ppl,

Well it has been over 5 months since I passed out of college and joined my company as a Management Trainee in a Sales and Marketing role for a home grown FMCG.

I would like to highlight the life of an “MT” with the help of a conversation held with a few of my friends.

Before that, I would like to mention that the following conversation is totally a figment of my imagination and though some parts of it are true..most of it is imaginary and though confirms to reality deals with no one in particular as such.

Let me introduce you to the characters of the conversation:

Gogo: That’s me and I am employed with a FMCG in Sales and Marketing, currently undergoing a stint @ Mysore and whenever time permits…and even when it doesn’t, I rush to Bangalore.

Bodo: The character is employed with a B2B marketing firm in Bangalore.

Vikiya: A character employed with a leading IT firm in the role of Finance..oops IT..oops..Consulting may be… in Bangalore.

Kapoor:  A character employed with a telecom major in the field of marketing in Bangalore.

Karan: A character who has passed out from the same b-school as the above but has opted out of placements to start his own firm in Bangalore.

One important convention for the most integral expletives :

‘#’refers to Bhen%^od

‘G’: G#$nd

So here it goes:

As usual, Gogo rushes off to Bangalore whenever possible and even though his job requires him to work 6 days a week, he has done some “setting” with his depot manager @ Mysore (finally showing some management skills) and takes an off on every Saturday to rush to Blore.

The context is post one such booze sessions that all of these have had:

Gogo: # saala life kya ho gya hai #...# depot mein 5 din G ghisne ke baad # kuch mann hi nahi karta hai karne ko.

Bodo: (With half his eyes closed and trying everything under the sun to open them) # G mara gaya hai #...kya karein saala…ajeeb ho gaya hai life #

Gogo: Saala u r atleast blessed to be in Blore…mera soch # Mysore mein..# kya bhaasha bolte hain # kuch samajh nahi aata…aur phir bhi kaam karna padta hai…# PG mein reh raha hoon #..room mate ka chehra dekhte hi KLPD ho jata hai…maa kasam..kya din aa gaye hain

Bodo: Abe office ka kya scene hai…koi bandi pata le…time pass ho jayega

Gogo: # bandi ka naam mat le…1 hi bandi hai office mein..# naam hai “Chandra Kala”…# jaisa naam waise lakshan…# frustration ki seema paar ho gayi hai

Bodo: # sahi mein…kya soch ke Marketing kiye the…saala yeh din dekhna padega….# pata hai..college ne bigaad diya saala..JLT karwa karwa ke…kutta bana diya…saala college mein hi aisa hona chahiye tha humare saath…# tab akal aati..# din mein 1 time khaana cancel karwate…aur roz shaheed nagar ka chakkar lagwana chahiye tha…# tab pata chalta Sales kya cheez hai…

Gogo: # tu yeh sab chod..mere dad tto bolte hain..kyun itna padha likha..jab bada ho ke..ghoom ghoom kar sabun tel bechna hi tha

Kapoor Interrupts,,,: To gogo: # tu kam se kam FMCG mein hai…tera future bright hai.

Bodo: # mera bhi yahi haal hai…saala..dar badar ki thokre kha kar..ghar lautna padta hai..baar baar yehi khayal aata hai..ki saala aaraam wala job chun lena chahiye tha…# G mara raha hoon main yahan par…sab ajeeb lag raha hai

Vikiya in the mean while…has given no shit to the conversation and is in his own world.

Gogo to Vikiya: abe tera kya scene hai…describe ur day in the office…

Vikiya: Kuch nahi #..koi kaam nahi hai mera..10 baje uthte hain..11 baje tak office..phir sutta maarne nikalte hain..phir thoda random net surf karte hain…phir lunch…phir sochte hain kya kiya jaye…isi tarah time pass karte hain…aur 4-5 bajte hi office se nikal jate hain.

(Ladies and Gentlemen…FYI Vikiya earns atleast 30 grands more than what Bodo or Gogo earn per month)

Hearing this..Gogo goes berserk

Gogo: # vikiya…#..koi openings hain kya teri company mein

Kapoor: # Gogo..IT mein kaam karega…kuch tto sharam kar

Bodo: # Life ajeeb ho gaya hai kuch nahi samajh aa raha..kabhi kabhi lagta hai..# Karan ya Shenai kitne khush hain…life apne terms pe jee rahe hain…# mereko bhi aisi life jeena hai..# Gogo..kuch ghapla karte hain be..Land scams etc etc..aur paisa kama ke kuch dhandha shuru karte hain be

Gogo: haan be…frustrate ho gya hoon #..depot stint ke name pe Mysore bhej diya hai…# lunch mein 6 rs ki thali khata hoon…dinner ka pata nahi….aur # har din 20 baar Kannada Gothilla bolna padta hai….# the other day sumbody asked me my name…and I replied..Kannada Gothilla

Karan: Guys..I offer you equity in my firm…come and join me…lets do sumthing…

Gogo: # I wish I had a cushion in my life the way u have…# I assure..I would have resigned this very moment…

Kapoor: # gogo…tera future to bright hai…tu FMCG mein hai

Bodo: # sab materialistic hai bhai….sab kuch…mereko yeh kaam nahi karna bhai..koi bacha lo…# kal  Monday hai…phir se wohi kuttagiri shuru

Gogo: # chup kar..abhi 2 baj rahe hain…mujhe subah 6 baje ki train pakad ke Mysore jana hai..# kutta ban gaya hoon

Kapoor: Gogo..tu kyun tension le raha hai…Tu FMCG mein hai…tera future bright hai..

Gogo: Maa behen ek kar doonga…phir se kisine yeh sentence bola tto…# jise apna dukhda sunao…ek hi baat bolta hai..”Tu FMCG mein hai…tension math le”…# kya mazaak hai.

By this time.Vikiya and Karan have slept already…and others also doze off..leaving Gogo wondering..whether he should actually get up @ 6 in the morning to catch his train to Mysore.

Beyond the last blue mountain

hi friends,

Beyond the last blue mountain

Sometimes it is too difficult and sometimes completely worthless

Still with a ray of hope..he decides to keep giving it a try

Turning and twisting till a thought strikes him, leaving him spell bound
 “Who the fuck wants to sleep when I can see you with my eyes wide open”

A flicker of an eyelid back, he used to own her, playing a pauper to his princess

In no time, the joy of being around has been superseded by a world full of responsibilities

With a quest to find herself, things have taken a different turn this time around

Will it matter then when she loses him having herself found

It was characteristic of him to keep fighting and keep chasing his dreams

After all he had dreamt an entire paradise out of their lives

But the cracks were too immense to resurrect with the glimmer of hope gone

Accepting his fate, he set out on a different journey altogether

Still at times he finds the wind blowing the other way

Reminiscent of memories from the past

Making him long things that won’t ever last

And then it becomes unbearably tough to bear the pain

Because he has seen what lies beyond the last blue mountain.

Cheers

Nishit

Quizzing : My First Love

Hello all,

Yah it has been a long long break since I last posted something…and in the mean while a lot of things happened…a lot of things changed..I became a post-graduate…left my college and the 2 most awesome years of my life behind..and here I am a couple of weeks away from stepping into the corporate world..which shall be my second act into it.

Today I shall talk about Quizzing, practically the only religion that I follow. For everyone of us there is something that excites us, inspires us, keeps us going…at various stages of life we have something that plays that role for us in our lives….as a kid a bar of chocolate plays the role…as a teenager…sports play that role…Quizzing has played that role for me ever since I dived into the fascinating & unending world of Quzizing.

I owe it greatly to my school (St. Mary’s Convent School, Jharsuguda) and more specifically to my G.K Teacher in standard-7, Mr. Asit Panigrahi for it was he who introduced me into the world of quizzing. He used to discuss current affairs with me every day and that propelled into me a habit of reading a Newspaper every day. The privilege of having a half an hour chat with him was enough of a motivation to keep me going. Soon I started loving it. The 2^nd most important thing to have happened to me at that age was that one day I was just flipping the channels of my TV and suddenly spotted a Quiz show being hosted in one of the channels…I watched the complete show and to my utter surprise, I knew the answers to most of the questions..From that day onwards, Mr. Derek O Brien became my role model…and Bournvita Qujz Contest became my ulterior motive.

Then one day, a strange thing happened..NIIT came to our school to select a team for some inter-school Quiz Competition that they were to organize. It was then that I realized how many more such kids were there like me..who wanted to participate…the competition was intense..They first conducted a written G.K test to select 12 people..and randomly formed 6 teams of 2 each. The team winning the quiz that was to be followed, was to represent the school for the inter-school thing. I was delighted to be in one of the teams. But we lost the quiz that followed. We came runners-up. Ofcourse we got a pat on our backs for coming this far and a round of applause from the crowd. That was not to satiate me. As finalists of the intra-school quiz, we received invites for the inter-school quiz that was to be conducted. I, very religiously, went to the venue as if we were going to be one of the teams on stage. I chose the first row in the audience to park myself and was waiting for the action to begin…with a hope that I am not going to leave any question that passes to the audience. Destiny had it that, one of the teams coming from a nearby town could not make it to the venue for some reason. The organisors were in a fix as to what to do now. I don’t know what struck me. I got up and went and spoke to the Quizmaster and requested him, literally begged him to allow me to fill that missing team’s gap. They could have gone ahead with one team less but the desperation on my face moved the quizmaster. He asked me if I has a team-mate with me, I replied saying Yes (though I still had to figure out who that team-mate would be). Then he okayed my idea. I rushed into the audience segment and requested a guy from my school to become my team mate. After a lot of convincing, the guy agreed.

I remember each and every moment of that quiz. I was overjoyed. We won that quiz by a huge margin, thumping a tough team which was tipped as a favourite. The audience gave us a standing ovation when the quiz master revealed how we had made it into the stage. The Quiz master then came and hugged me…and surprised by my zeal and passion, whispered something to me..which I can never forget..”Keep Walking” were the words he said.

That was my first win in Quizzing...those days I used to have a bi-cycle..Only I know how speedily I rode the bicycle back home to show the cup that I had won to my parents.

That day onwards, it was no looking back for me. Quizzing, in a way, has become the motive of my life. I owe so much to Quizzing. It taught me to face my ecstasies and agonies alike..taught me to deal with the intense competitive world out there…and more importantly became a facet of my life.

Since that day I have kept walking…religiously, honestly and passionately…and even till date the sight of a question mark excites, inspires and keeps me going.

Adieu for now

Capt Krunch a.k.a Nishit