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Sunday, October 2, 2011

An Open Letter to Shahid Afridi


Hello Mr. Afridi,

Your recent comments corroborating an insane claim regarding Sachin Tendulkar confirms your desperation to bring attention on to yourself. I am also intrigued by the fact that even after knowing the fact that every time you open your mouth (be it in front of the media or in the presentation ceremony), you leave no stone unturned to make a mockery of yourself, still you go on raising up that bar of shamelessness time and again….In fact with your latest antics, you have left me puzzled as to who between the two of you, (Yes You dumbfuck) and Shoaib Akhtar, is the more shameless one or is it like both of you sat together and decided that “lets explore new avenues of self-mockery now that our cricket seems to have seen its end”….Oh I’m so sorry you guys can’t converse in such chaste English…my bad.

Seems like both of you have taken a bet on who is dumber of the two of you. My sympathies are with Shoaib Akhtar and please convey it to him the next time you meet him for to me he is a retard on whom Allah hasn’t bestowed upon  a brain to think…and it’s a fact he himself has proven to the whole world on many occasions..so I refrain from commenting on it and will go by the lines of Shoaib Malik…that “When his own family does not take him seriously, why should others”

Coming back to you…yes you never seemed to be the bad-mouthed moron until now when you chose to go down the Akhtar way.

   Well, I have vowed to myself not to talk to you presenting statistics and that is primarily for 2 reasons:
1.                Your immature, uneducated brain will find it too hard to understand it
2.               You won’t even get a rat’s ass to hide your face if I do a comparision between your’s and Sachin’s statistics

So I prescribe go and talk to Abdul Qadir…I have heard in your initial days you tried to model yourself upon him….Go ask him about the stature of Tendulkar….he would tell you how after a provocation that he had once made to Tendulkar…he got hammered all round the park….28 runs in an over….that being Sachin’s debut series. Go ask Wasim Akram what had he uttered when Abdul Razzaq dropped Tendulkar during the 2003 World Cup match….he had said,”Bh*****d tujhe pata bhi hai tune kiska catch choda hai”……such is his stature. In our country he is worshipped no less than a God and why only our country…the world around, I shall lay down a couple of instances of what people have had to say about him you pugnacious-nonsensical-shithole:

Mathew Hayden (during his tour to India in 1998),”I have seen God, he bats for India at number 4 in Tests”

Hashim Amla (who supposedly has a fear of flights and once after a flight in which both the Indian & South African team were travelling together, he was asked by a journalist as to how was he feeling, he replied),”I felt alright. After all we had the God travelling with us”

I know these things are difficult for you to understand for in the culture that you have been brought up, bitching and fighting with others is the order of the day. It seems that the only picture you have in your bedroom is that of Tendulkar….I suggest you remove it..for its maligning the sanctity of the picture to be there in the home of a beard-scratching-psycho like you.

To remind you of your own antics…you have taken 2 temporary retirements from cricket…..now what under the sun is this temporary retirement will you please explain….you rat-fucking-bastard....The state of affairs of cricket in your nation makes it seem to be like some kind of a reality show. Trust me even our Rakhi Sawant is more consistent in her opinions than the decisions of your cricket board. You seem to be possessing a very weak memory….It seems you have forgotten how after a comment of yours about the fragile physique of Irfan Pathan saying it was unlike that of a real Pathan…he kept rattling your stumps whenever you came to bat….you forgot how Gautam Gambhir,once, gave you a piece of his mind in a completely Dilli-Style post which you never ever dared him…You forgot how Sehwag has made your whole team look like a bunch of jokers on the field..every time we play a test match or On every world cup when both our teams have played against each other, how Tendulkar has clinically overwhelmed your whole nation.

What have you done for your country or for the game of cricket….except may be giving that statue-of-liberty kind of pose (hands making a V and legs making an inverted V) whenever you take a catch or a wicket…Even on that front we have surpassed you…I suggest you take lessons from Virat Kohli-the official swearer of our team…and he will teach you the latest swears he has caught up on the roads of Delhi…and show you how to use them whenever you take a catch…believe me he looks much more macho and stylish than you do.

So next time, even in your wildest imaginations, do not consider giving your fart-like opinions about legends like Tendulkar and Dravid even if it is to generate publicity of a retard like Akhtar…for that will earn you the wrath of your own countrymen (let alone others) and will stamp your forehead with a             
 “I am a brainless piece of shit” placard.

And next time please take lessons from Rameez Raja on how to speak English and pronounce it well…or better not try talking in English at all…else the next time you travel to England…some English loving soul will kill you alleging that you, with your English speaking attempts, were conspiring to come up with a Baluchistani dialect of English.

Yours Truly
An avid cricket lover 




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